I feel like I should re-name the blog...

It started as weiss-wedding.blogspot.com, my maiden name plus new, married name combined... a young mother, starting a small family and posting occasionally with cute pictures and updates. 

Now it should be named stacyshealthupdates(couldbedepressing).blogspot.com

SO!  Where to begin?  Waiting for results from a tumor marker test.  The first since undergoing, reluctantly, Radioactive Iodine treatment.  So that's kinda big.  Everyone says it should be clear so I'm just trying to lean on that.  But, needless to say I'm a bit vulnerable right now.  Should know soon.  Will update.

We got snow this week, boys are mesmirized...

Had one of those moments the other day... every parent knows it... when one of your kids runs up to you and you think 'MAN have they gotten big!'.  Most of the time we don't see it right away, but then all of the sudden, bam!  It feels like they doubled in size.  Well, then, immediately after that popped in my head came 'I wonder how big Saranda would be...' 

(this is the 'could be depressing' part of the blog I guess)

I miss my baby girl.  She would be 7 months old... and probably doing all those adorable baby things that babies do. 

But today Sebastian and I got to go to the shop where her gravestone is being made.  Can you believe, we got to work on it?!  Like, heavy hammer, chisel, and, well, lots of strength.  Something I don't have a lot of these days.

Oh, and did I mention I might be coming down with a cold?

But I didn't care.  I took up that hammer and got to work.  And hit that stone so f+#@%ing hard until it felt good.  Then I cried.  Then I did it again.

I told Sebas there's no way you could do this in the states.  You'd have to sign a waiver that you wouldn't sue for breaking your own finger, or, potentially ruining your daughters gravestone. 

But we didn't ruin it.  It could be done next week.

Mama crashed on the couch, joined by Anjun who -coming down with something- fell asleep.  Marlo, playing as always.

Anjun and Marlo, playing together more and more... don't mind the pink eye on Anjun and dangerously close proximity to Marlo...

Our boys are as cute as ever.  They have both been back and fourth with cold/fever/illnesses.. and now Anjun has pink eye.  ugh.  But despite them being kind of down, they never stop trying to make mama feel better.  Sometimes I end up laying around due to side effects/symptoms I've had for a while now, or just being depressed. 

Finding some gratitude.  Slowly figuring things out. 

Mama, crashed -this time in the hammock- joined by Marlo, who then fell asleep... 

Marlo is healing mama's 'owa' with a gummy bear. (that's where the scar is from my operation)

And speaking of figuring things out... we've figured out we don't have money to pay medical bills!  Our insurance pays for a lot, but not everything... and that's where we need help. 




Once again, I'm in a pretty vulnerable place right now.  Because...



 I wanted to ask for help.  Money, specifically... to pay for treatments and therapies for last year and a few coming up in the next months.  We just can't pay them right now.  But I need them.  A lot depends on them.  Like, my health.. and sanity. 

If you've got a few bucks, or more, that you could give - I can't tell you how grateful I would be if you donated.  If not, that's fine too - but you could still help.  Just by sharing the link to my fundraising page.  Facebook, email... friends whatever. 

 https://www.youcaring.com/medical-fundraiser/stacy-needs-your-help-healing-from-cancer-and-loss-of-child-/312142

 I'll be updating the blog more during my fundraiser... so check back for another update, more pics... and the tumor marker test outcome of course.  Fundraiser will be active for about a month.

Much love to you all!

Stacy Wedding