..we still have to take our Christmas tree down...

Yup.  We're 'those' people..  End of January, somehow haven't found the time to take the Christmas tree down.  We notoriously leave it up longer than others... here people don't put the tree up at all until Christmas Eve - so you wanna keep it around.  But I have to admit, it's too long.  It's gotta go. 

 It's just, like, so amazingly low on our list of priorities right now.  

And since swallowing radioactive iodine I've been unsurprisingly wiped out.  I have moments, for instance the past few hours of today, where I feel almost human.  Dare I say normal.  Actually, not really normal - I think since Saranda died I have a new normal.  I wonder if it will ever 'go back'. 

Probably not.

I'm constantly balancing a thin line of keeping it real (when telling people how I/we are doing etc) and not affirming negative/bad things - that's quite difficult to manage.  I want to be completely honest.  But at some point, I just can't keep re-surfacing the whole story and how, probably, bad I feel at that particular moment.  So... what to say?

Christmas was itself actually ok.  Christmas Eve and Christmas day, as well as New Years etc that is.  With family... lots of yummy things to eat... and cozy time with the kids.  Symptom-wise and psychologically for me it was quite intense though.  Then mid Jan I had to undergo Radioactive Iodine Therapy... that kinda threw us into a little tale spin.
   

I had to be in the hospital for 3 days.  Technically isolated, but with a roomy, nurses and a laptop it's not so bad.  And overall, when you look a the symptoms/side affects I could have had, it wasn't bad at all. 


On the other hand, I have to say, I can't recommend it.  Swallowing something radioacitve is a horrible experience. 

But honestly guys, I have never - and I mean NEVER - felt so much support in my life.  Sure, maybe I was isolated, but MAN!  That first day of therapy especially, I felt, literally felt like I never have before... held up by all of those keeping me in their thoughts.  Little ol' me.  I was and still am so humbled.  It was amazing.

Thank you.

At this point I have a general wiped out feeling, well, pretty much all the time. Stomach problems... And a slight lingering nauseousness that was worse and - fingers crossed - is getting better.  I also get stressed out VERY easily.

Now to re-focus.  Detox.  And somehow get my energy back up.  Oh, and do another tumor marker test that WILL come back clear... meet with a therapist... spend time reassuring the kids mama won't 'go away' again... and just like, a million other things.

Aaaaand I'm exhausted.

I hope everyone had a good start to the year!

It's only getting better from this moment forward. 

Love,
The Weddings